Mi Chicharrón
by Sorkari
Summary: Jean thought Spanish was the easiest language you could ever learn - that was until he tried speaking it. AU. Erejean. [Puny] mentions of Ereri and Eruri.
1. My Pork Rind

**A/N:** In which Jean makes some of the funniest mistakes when he tries speaking Spanish. If you already know how to read/speak Spanish, this'll be a blast, because face it, we made some of these mistakes, too.

* * *

There was a study that showed people's interests in accents and languages, and surprisingly enough, most people enjoyed a Spanish accent and found the language quite attractive. That was the only reason why Jean signed up to take a Spanish class when he got into college - to hopefully woo Eren with his amazing language usage.

It was easy to catch Eren alone; they were roommates, after all. He passed by a few people on his way to his dorm that evening who commented on his black vest and white dress shirt. Since his usual attire consisted of torn jeans, a faded band T-shirt, and an old sweater, his impeccable suit that night would surely surprise Eren. As he fumbled with the keys to their dorm, he promptly placed the rose he was carrying in his mouth, holding it between his teeth by the stem.

When he entered, the brunet was laid back on his bed, typing away on his laptop. Jean kicked the door shut, which drew Eren's attention. Before he looked up from the screen, he angrily started, "I swear to God, Kirstein, the next time you -"

His words fell dead on the tip of his tongue as he took in the sight of his roommate. He couldn't help but stare at the way Jean walked closer to him, his hips swaying ever so slightly. The confident fire in those hazel eyes ensnared his entire being. Eren admitted that his roommate was an attractive man - an asshole at times, but definitely attractive - but he never even considered it until now.

Jean took the rose from his mouth between his index and middle finger and ran the petals ever so lightly against Eren's jawline. The brunet's breath hitched in the back of his throat as Jean purred, "Estoy loco por ti, cariño."

He wasn't even sure if he said that right, but it seemed as he did, for a flustered blush immediately formed on Eren's cheeks. The brunet started, "Jean, I -"

The two-toned man pressed the rose to his lips, shushing him with a soft croon, and replaced the laptop in his lap. He felt so giddy inside - _holy shit, it actually worked!_ \- as he leaned in closer to Eren. His breath ghosted ever so gently against Eren's lips as he purred, "Te deseo, mi chicharrón."

Eren's brow furrowed at this. He pushed Jean back a bit with a snicker as if it was the most ludicrous thing he ever heard. Jean clucked his tongue and growled, "What?!"

"You were doing so well until you called me your pork rind."

* * *

Estoy loco por ti, cariño = I'm crazy for you, dear

Te deseo, mi chicharrón = I want you, my pork rind


	2. Penis Salad

Jean wondered why the hell he even bothered trying to woo Eren like that. What got into him? Was he just bored? Was he high on something that night? Did he just want to get into the brunet's pants? He'll never know.

But that wasn't important right now. He was doing considerably well in his Spanish class - well, it was his third day there, but hey, for a beginner, he was doing pretty well - and decided to look into translations on his own for fun. He even practiced the things he learned online so he would say it correctly. The accent was hard to get down at certain times, but besides the little slip up every here and there with the rolling R, he was confident with his Spanish.

So that afternoon, he and Eren went to a Mexican restaurant - it was his idea, actually - to meet up with a few classmates and hopefully cram in a study session before their criminal justice class. It was apparently the best Mexican restaurant there was on campus, and hey, ordering in Spanish was better practice that nothing.

After some time of sitting at their table, a waiter approached them and asked, "What can I get you two today?"

Eren was too busy on his phone to notice the waiter there. Jean elbowed him in the ribs to get his attention, and he responded with an irritated hiss, "Just order something. I'm trying to find out if Armin's even going to show up."

"Uh . . ." Jean fumbled with the menu. The waiter rolled his eyes, so he decided to pick the first thing he saw on the list. He said confidently, "Quiero una ensalada de polla y zumo sin preservativo."

Eren stared up at him with that shit-eating grin that basically said ' _you fucking dumbass._ ' The people nearest to them exchanged looks while the waiter cleared his throat and murmured uncomfortably, "Okay, sure . . . una ensalada de pollo y zumo sin aditivos enseguida viene."

As he hurried off, Jean asked, "Isn't that what I said. . . ?"

"No, Jean," Eren sighed heavily, "you asked for a penis salad and juice without condoms."

* * *

Quiero una ensalada de polla y zumo sin preservativo = I want a penis salad and juice without condoms

una ensalada de pollo y zumo sin aditivos enseguida viene = chicken salad and juice without preservatives coming right up


	3. 24 Anuses

**A/N:** *very gross and violent sobbing bECAUSE _I HATE GETTING CALLED ON IN THAT CLASS*_

* * *

Jean was just about ready to dance a fire around his Spanish textbook.

And he would have if that suicidal bastard didn't stop him from doing it. Well, he couldn't stay angry at Eren for it, not when the brunet so kindly offered help with his introduction for class. It was last minute, too - and he copied everything Eren said to his best ability. Spelling words in Spanish was relatively easy once you realized that the words were spelled like the way they sounded.

There was only one other person in his Spanish class that he personally knew, and that was Armin. God knew what he was doing in a Spanish class when he was already fluent in French. It would've been easy credit to take French again in college - which Jean pointed out, and unsurprisingly, the little shit merely shrugged and said, "Exactly, it's too easy."

Usually, Jean would jump at the chance at showing off in his classes, but this time, he sincerely hoped that the professor would avoid him completely. He sat next to Armin, who was reading through an article in the back of the textbook (how the hell can he do that in a _beginner's_ class?) near the front. That was a mistake, he realized once he made awkward eye contact with the professor.

"You, sir!" _Fuck_. "¿Como te llamas?"

"I'm Jean -"

"¿Perdón? Esta es una clase de español."

He felt the strong urge to toss a baby out the window. "Er. . . . Me llamo Jean."

The professor - Hanji, if he remembered correctly - pushed their thick glasses further up the bridge of their nose with a small smile. They explained, "Remember, Jean, you pronounce the double L with a Y."

"Right. . . ."

"No need to look so dejected!" Hanji exclaimed. Pointing at the paper, they asked, "Why don't you read your introduction to me?"

He realized, after a short, hesitant moment, that he had Eren help him with this assignment. The brunet took all four years of Spanish in high school - so obviously whatever the hell Jean wrote down during their conversation should be correct. The assignment itself only required the minimum of three sentences. Well, his spelling may be off, but all that mattered was that he pronounced it correctly. _Right?_

Clearing his throat, he said, "Hola. Me llamo Jean. Tengo 24 anos y estoy un verdadero caballo. Estoy muy extido de estar aquí."

The easiest way to tell who actually payed attention in the class and who didn't was to listen and find out who laughed at your major fuck up. A few people snickered, one sighed, others stayed quiet, and some seemed completely uninterested (or they simply had no idea what the hell he said). Armin cleared his throat uncomfortably, though Jean could plainly see the poorly hidden smile behind his sleeve.

"You did well, for the most part!" Hanji hastily said as they watched Jean's expression falter. "But, ah, remember that accent marks are important for some of the things you say! In this case, you'd need to use the Spanish letter enye instead of the regular N."

As they walked off with an encouraging grin, Jean sighed gratefully, "Oh? That's the only mistake I made?"

"Professor Hanji's too nice." Armin murmured.

The two-toned man snapped, "What makes you say that, huh?!"

"Well . . . sure, they corrected you on your pronunciation, but it's your word choice that you should really pay attention to." Jean's brow furrowed. He clearly didn't understand what Armin was leading at, so the blond hesitantly explained, "You see . . . I think you meant 'caballero' instead of 'caballo.' And it'd save you a lot of trouble if you erased the word 'extido' from your vocabulary and just used 'emocionado' to say you're excited about something."

The realization dawned upon him. He asked with a grave whisper, "What did I say, then?"

"You introduced yourself as a true horse with 24 anuses who is very horny to be here."

Jean facepalmed hard enough to leave a mark.

* * *

¿Como te llamas? = What's your name?

¿Perdón? Esta es una clase de español. = Excuse me? This is a Spanish class.

Me llamo Jean. = My name is Jean.

Hola. Me llamo Jean. Tengo 24 anos y estoy un verdadero caballo. Estoy muy extido de estar aquí. = Hi. My name is Jean. I have 24 anuses and I'm a true horse. I'm very horny to be here.

So I suppose the correct way to say it would be: Hola, soy Jean. Tengo 24 años y soy un caballero. Estoy muy emocionado de estar aquí= Hi, I'm Jean. I'm 24 years old and I'm a gentleman. I'm very excited to be here. (Go give Lucy Sasaki a big hug and a cookie for correcting this translation for me!)

Remember, kids, word choice matters!


	4. Kiss Me

If failing miserably at learning a new language wasn't hard enough, being known as the nickname 'Horse-Face' because of your failed introduction was the worst.

Jean came to the conclusion that taking Spanish was a mistake. He was just about ready to faceplant on the couch when he got back to their dorm, but Eren beat him to it. The brunet had his face buried into the cushions, his arm slung over the edge with a paper in his hand. Jean automatically knew, just by the giant 'F' written in red ink and the fancy-looking words that he hadn't the slightest clue what they meant, that Eren failed his French exam.

Despite the amount of times Eren made him want to dropkick an old lady, he still felt obligated to comfort him (to some extent). He asked softly, "What's wrong, Jaeger?" There was a muffled groan from the cushions. "Are you trying to suffocate yourself in there?" Another groan, this time sounding like a whine. "You better move the fuck over and tell me what happened."

A pregnant silence slithered past. Jean assumed he'd have to push Eren off the couch and hopefully rouse some anger - which was better than sadness, he supposed - until the brunet finally removed himself from the couch in favor of curling up against the arm. This left enough room for Jean to sit next to him at a comfortable distance. Then again, it was never comfortable between them ever since the chicharrón incident.

"So you failed your French exam?" Eren refused to answer. He rolled his eyes at this. "Seriously, is that what's you're all beat up about? Come on, man, you failed _so_ many tests last year -"

"It's not the F that I care about," his roommate scoffed, "Hell, I don't care about that class at all."

"Then why the hell did you join it?"

Eren opened his mouth to say something, but naught a sound left his lips. He struggled for words for a second before letting out a heavy, dejected sigh. "Okay. I'm probably gonna sound stupid -"

"You _are_ stupid."

"and you're gonna be an ass about it -"

"I probably will be."

"But I . . ." Again, he struggled for words. It seemed as if he couldn't put his jumbled thoughts together, merely trying to re-word his sentence a good five times before Jean cleared his throat loudly. Before Jean could complain, he finished with an exasperated sigh, "I . . . I tried asking out my French professor!"

"Your French professor. . . ." It took him a moment to remember exactly who that. He practically yelled, "Professor _Levi?_ That asshole?! What the hell were you thinking, Jaeger?!"

"I wasn't thinking!" Eren buried his face into the palms of his hands. "God damn it, Horse-Face, I don't - I can't - I didn't even get to talk to him! I showed up after class to ask questions on my exam, right?" He looked up, and Jean promptly nodded with a small 'right.' "And I thought, maybe I'd ask him to come to that coffee shop down the street, but no! I - I walked in on - on him and that one English professor with the - y'know, the one that always wears that stupid bolo tie - u-up against the -" He broke off with a groan.

"Oh. . . . That must really suck. . . ."

"It does."

They delved into another long silence. Neither of them spoke, nor made eye contact, and Jean was conflicted as toward what he should do. Was he supposed to comfort his roommate? Offer advice? Hell, he was never good at this sentimental bullshit.

"I don't know why I did it, really," Eren mused. "I mean, he's hot and all, but . . . he really is an asshole." The two-toned man glanced over to his green-eyed roommate with a questioning quirk in his brow. Their eyes met, and Eren abruptly looked away with a flustered blush. He scratched the nape of his neck as he mumbled, "Honestly, I hate you, but . . . that night, a few weeks ago, it was really . . . _nice._ "

A mischievous smirk formed on Jean's lips. "What? I didn't hear that."

"Fuck you!" Eren snapped. "At least I didn't call you my pork rind -"

"Fuck off!" Jean grumbled. "I'm doing great for a beginner, okay? I mean . . . besides for those little mistakes every here and there -"

" _Little?_ " Eren snorted as if he just heard a joke. "Alright, you idiot, you obviously suck at speaking Spanish. I'll teach you a few things, though. Repeat after me," Jean couldn't take his eyes away from the brilliant jade-green orbs that regarded him with an emotion he couldn't quite put his finger on. "He estado pensando en ti."

"He estado pensando en ti," Jean repeated, albeit slowly.

Despite the pronunciation being off, Eren leaned in closer and continued, "Me gustas mucho."

The two-toned man didn't quite understand what those last two things meant, but with the way Eren was looking at him, he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue anymore. Regardless, he murmured, "Me gustas mucho."

"Te quiero, pero a veces me vuelves loco."

At this point, their faces were close enough to where Jean could feel Eren's breath ghosting over his lips. He glanced down towards Eren's lips, then back up to those beautiful eyes. He licked his lips, wanting nothing more than to lean in and kiss him like it was the last time they'd see each other, but he barely managed to refrained from doing so.

"Te quiero, pero a veces me vuelves loco," He repeated this lowly, almost like a purr, and he felt a remarkable sense of pride at the evident shiver that wracked down Eren's spine.

"Bésame."

"Jaeger, what -?"

"Say it, Jean," He adored the way his name rolled off Eren's tongue. "Say it."

"Bésame."

Jean's breath hitched as their lips finally met. The kiss didn't last more than a few seconds. It was a quick, shy kiss, but almost instantly after they pulled away, they indulged in another kiss, this one longer and deeper than the last.

Okay, so maybe taking Spanish wasn't a mistake, after all.

* * *

He estado pensando en ti. = I've been thinking about you.

Me gustas mucho. = I really like you.

Te quiero, pero a veces me vuelves loco. = I love you, but sometimes you drive me crazy.

Bésame. = Kiss me


End file.
